Hava Ben Ami

Hava was born in Aleppo, Syria as Evelyn Yechezkel. On Passover of 1948, at the age of 3, she emigrated to Israel with her mother, Sally, her sisters, Mazal and Doris, her grandmother and her maternal uncle. Following the violence in Aleppo upon the UN’s declaration of 1947, most Syrian Jews were forced to escape and find their way to Israel through various circuitous and life-threatening routes. The fate of their father remains a mystery.

The family was smuggled across the border on foot – their only means of survival was unleavened bread. In Israel, they settled in Holon’s “building-blocks” neighborhood, which was in fact, little more than a refugee camp of tents. The mother provided for her family by working at the Lodzia factory. Hava would say that she did her homework by the light of a kerosene lamp.

When Hava turned nine, her mother remarried and sent the older girls to study under better conditions than the refugee camp could provide. Hava ended up on Kibbutz Be’eri and Mazal on Kibbutz Nitzanim.

At Be’eri, Hava joined the Eshel group – the first group of children on the Kibbutz. As a Yaldat Hutz (a child from a family not from the kibbutz), she was assigned adoptive parents – Avraham and Rivka Sorek – who treated her as their own. The differences between the kibbutz children and these new children quickly dissolved, and she soon made friends with Niva, with whom she slept in the same room along with two other girls. After lights-out, after the "nannies" had left, and before the night-guards arrived, they would cuddle and play in one bed. Her adoptive father, Avraham, would arrive with plates of fries for Hava and Niva on nights when he had guard duty. He’d wake them up and they’d have a feast together.

Hava had a hard time getting used to the food in the kibbutz dining room; she’d been used to the food her mother and grandmother would make, and so she wouldn’t eat the meat and other dishes there. Still, she grew up healthy and strong.

She was also musically gifted, learning to play the accordion, a little piano, and – later – the flute. She would play at kibbutz memorial days, sing in the choir, and she loved to dance.

Starting in sixth grade, Hava began working in the chicken coop with her adoptive mother and Niva while other girls were at school. The older she got, the longer the hours she spent at work. She was an avid worker during harvest seasons, picking cotton, and weeding.

During high school, she met Ephraim, a member of the Youth Association. They fell in love and, a short time after she joined the army, decided to marry. In fact, Hava was the first in her group to get married.

Hava and Ephraim had two children, Amit and Re’ut, and as one of the first kibbutz members to have a baby, she was one of the first to experience the harsh realities of kibbutz education – specifically, communal sleeping arrangements for children. Her daughter Re’ut recounts how her mother would come during the night and leave behind love notes in which she would recount the day’s occurrences or wish her a good night. The notes were filled with warmth and unquenchable love for her children, and Re’ut kept them, only opening them during the mourning period for her mother, to once more feel her mother’s love.

When Re’ut was four, Hava and Ephraim separated. Some years later, Hava married Mike Ben Ami, an American who arrived on the kibbutz with a daughter. Hava and Mike had a daughter together – Noam. But they separated several years later.

Over the years, Hava worked in the chicken coop, in education, and in the clothes store. At age 45 she decided to complete her high-school education and seek a profession. With her friend Ruthie, they began to study. Ruthie became a nurse and Hava a cosmetician. She was good at her job and many kibbutz members were among her clients, but her reputation soon extended well beyond the kibbutz.

At 56 she was diagnosed with breast cancer, but with typical fortitude soon went back to work – taking up Pilates, swimming, and yoga upon her retirement. Her bike was a constant companion, and only recently did she agree to graduate to a golf cart. But she never gave up her work as a cosmetician.

Hava played musical instruments, embroidered, painted, and later in life began to knit dolls, teddy bears, and more – all for her grandchildren. She loved gardening and hers blossomed. She fostered a warm and loving home into which one always entered with pleasure, quickly adopting youngsters and elderly alike – anyone who lacked a family. Youngsters would drop by her neighborhood, stop to talk, enjoy her humor and love, for Hava loved to laugh at her own expense. Her children will never forget her characteristic expressions, such as “food whets the appetite,” constantly reminding her daughter Re’ut to eat.

Hava was very family oriented, and maintained contact with her three sisters – Mazal, Doris, and Ronit – and they would often come for weekends. Her social circles included single friends with whom she traveled and went to movies, had for dinner and sabbath meals, and whom she would accompany to medical appointments, and family members she would visit.

Her devotion to her children was boundless, and when they left the kibbutz, she maintained contact and visited them often. She would shower them with pomelos and peanuts from the field, pots of food and presents, and help raise her grandchildren – Mai, Gal, Lia, Noa, Haggai, Yael, Romi, and Idan.

Upon learning of Hava’s death, her daughter Noam received hundreds of messages – all talking about her heart of gold and her charm, her lack of judgment, beaming smile, and her ability to accept any person for who they are. They also remembered her creativity, her generosity, her caring heart, and her help for others, her warmth, the love, and the devotion to her family.

Hava was a small person with a huge heart – 1.50 meters of warmth and compassion.

May her memory be blessed.